An Honest Letter to Parents Dealing with a Dyslexic Child

This week I was asked by @SteveMcCue1 to write a guest blog but thought I would share it here too.

Dear all you amazing Mums and Dads,

I can still remember being told I had to go through tests to find out ‘what I had’. I can remember feeling so patronised throughout my whole assessment. After years of learning support and feeling different my mum decided to get me tested by an educational psychologist. I also felt different and inadequate but do you know what was nice? Was to have a label. It was nice to actually have an ‘excuse’ so I could tell people ‘sorry may not look right, I have dyslexia.’ I think parents go into panic mode and can end up making things a lot worse.  But I remember thinking it was great to learn what I had and meant I could research better ways to cope.

I believe one of the biggest mistakes parents make is to feel sorry for their child. I read recently somewhere that a high percentage of entrepreneurs are dyslexic. Yes they probably all struggled at school like your child will probably struggle, but school is such a small part of someone’s life in the grand scheme of things. I meet with straight A, 1^st Class honour degree types of people every day that can’t seem to get a job, mainly due to their lack of social skills. It would seem to do well in school or University you have to have the top grades. Yes I did think that but not any more. Life is an experience, a gift and after school your life is not defined by exams results. I was lucky enough to be encouraged to pursue different avenues that highlight my strengths by my parents. Failure is a horrible feeling. So why make exam results the talk of the town in your household?  We should be encouraging our children in every aspect not just academic. If they have a flair for sport, music, drama, debating, public speaking whatever it may be, encourage it!

I quite often look through Twitter and see people talking about having Dyslexia and being Dyslexic and how down they are. This genuinely upsets me as people are measuring themselves on numbers or letters that are on a piece of paper. All I want to do is tell them it will be ok and bet they can achieve so much. I recently wrote down all the negative things about me and all the positives. when I did it I had way more negatives than positives. I then asked my friends, colleagues and family to do the same for me and they gave me much more positives than negatives. We really are our own worst enemy, we focus on the negatives and don’t embrace the positives. I sometimes wonder how many more Einsteins, Robin Williams’, David Bowies’ etc we could have had out there if people were more positive.

I read something recently that said ‘We are not born with insecurities, we create them.’ Do you think any babies out there are paranoid how they look, think or act? No! Because they are not aware yet and cant’ read things on social media or over-hear things being said about them. People in general are also bad at encouraging their friends and family or telling them how amazing they are.  If anyone out there is reading this and struggles in life in any capacity (school, employment, social skills etc) then all I ask is ask anyone you know to write down three traits about yourself and I guarantee none of them will be negative. If , like me, you never felt like you would be successful; take all the lovely traits people have said about you and embrace them! Find a career where you can use these traits. You will be successful!

Kind regards,

Amie

 

If you would like to read some of Steve’s Blogs please click here.

Our ‘Old School’ Education System

I can remember feeling inadequate in the class room for most of my school life. Even in primary school I remember feeling like I was struggling and I used to try and copy whatever the ‘smart’ kids did so I would be ‘clever’.

Luckily for me, my mum was an educational psychologist so managed to notice Dyslexic traits fairly early on. Unfortunately for other children this isn’t picked up as easily. To me it seems children are only tested for dyslexia if they are struggling in school, in their subjects. For example my boyfriend was a straight A student apart from English (which he got a C in). The school just turned a blind eye to this and would never deem him dyslexic because he was such a high achiever in every other area. Does this mean they just thought he couldn’t be bothered in English? It wasn’t until he was studying his Postgraduate degree I thought he may have dyslexia, after he got tested he was told he did. He had spent 18 years in the Scottish Education system, struggling in certain areas, with dyslexia but no-one picked it up because he was ‘deemed smart’.  Some people have such an old mentality that you can’t have dyslexia and be ‘smart’.

For me, I had a very different schooling experience. I was automatically dropped down to the bottom set in every subject and told to take one less subject. I also had to spend the extra few hours every week in learning support, getting taught how to spell cat on a one-on-one basis.  The bottom set of our school fitted the stereotype perfectly. We had:

• The kids who wanted to drop out as soon as they turned 16
• The kids who didn’t show up have the time
• Children with ADD, AHD, Dyslexia, Autism etc
• Children who mucked about constantly and disrupted the class

To me, the above list looks like each category should have their own class. How can teachers be so versatile they can teach children who fall into the above categories? Looking back on it now, we were the scapegoats. Schools, head teachers and teaching staff all care about their exam results. Obviously a huge sweeping statement but to me this is what I felt. We had 4 maths teachers over a 6 month period in our exam year because ‘they couldn’t handle us.’ Take a guess as to how I did in Maths.

I work in a very target driven role now and I can totally appreciate Teachers and schools have to keep up a good reputation of gaining amazing exam results. So they do this to impress parents who will then send their children to this school and the cycle starts again. Let me address the parents for a second. Would you rather send your children to a school who have good exam results but exclude children with learning difficulties, or send your children to a school that go out their way to get the best out of children.

It goes back to my point in a previous blog about how we are tested. It’s effectively a memory test. We are given the answers before hand, in  the classroom, and it’s about writing down on a bit of paper what we remember. This is a very victorian style of teaching and I can’t believe we are still being tested like this. It’s so un-creative and make people, like me feel so stupid. It’s taken me 26 years to realise I am not stupid but throughout my whole school career I didn’t just think I was stupid I knew. Everyone has their own strengths and weakness’, especially with how they learn. Some of the most successful people I know did bad at school but have gone to do and achieve great things.

What example are we setting for our children? When I was younger I assumed successful people just did exams in their work, read things remembered things and wrote them down. When in reality how often do working people do this? Examining people in the way schools do is an easy cop out to decide if someone is ‘clever’, it’s a lazy way to sort people out and there is no room to include people with dyslexia, ADD, ADHD and Autism. So my question is why do we get tested this way?

 

Food for thought…

A note to my younger Dyslexic self…

If I could go back and offer some advice to my younger self the first thing I would say (in the words of Michael Jackson) is ‘You are not alone’. It’s a horrible feeling to feel isolated and feel ‘stupid’ when you are not, you just learn things differently. Even 10-15 years ago when I was at school, the school measured you on how you complete a specific exam under specific conditions, examining you on specific questions and dyslexia had such a nasty stigma attached to it.
From working in recruitment for the last 3 years I speak to people every day who have 1st Class degrees from red brick Universities but can’t secure any work as some of them lack social skills and confidence and struggle in interviews. This also makes me sad that people are judged on how they come across in an hours meeting and not on how they can actually do the job. I think this is one of the first examples I would use to my younger self. As mentioned in my last blog ‘I can talk for Scotland. I never thought this would help me end up in a career that I enjoy.At school I was automatically placed in the bottom sets with other children in similar situations or children who were trouble makers. The teachers spent most of their lessons telling the kids off that we barely learnt anything. I also was told I had to take 1 less subject in my exam year compared to other children. How was that meant to help me with my confidence? Do you know how embarrassing it is, even now, telling my friends I only passed so many exams because I wasn’t allowed to sit more?

Applying for jobs, getting rejected, not hearing back and doing bad at interviews is one of the most disheartening things in the world. I vividly remember being in an interview (nailing it) then all of a sudden he asks me about my exam results at school (bear in mind I already had a 2:1 degree at this stage) and he said ‘O you only have 5 highers, so I take it you left school after five year?’ When I explained to him that I did all 6 years but took Highers spread out over these years he was disgusted at me and I didn’t get the job.

I think what I am trying to tell my younger self is that people are dinosaurs. They shouldn’t feel sorry for me I should feel sorry for them that they missed out on an opportunity to have me working for them. It may seem very arrogant but it’s not. Ironically this guy emailed me on LinkedIn last year and asked me if I would consider working for them. One of the most satisfying things in the world was rejecting him. People have such an old school way of judging intelligence, it’s all about results, UCAS points and what university you went to. When actually people who have achieved high marks also really struggle to get jobs.

I wish someone could’ve spoken to me when I was younger and say ‘It’s going to be alright’. If someone sat down with me and told me not to focus on the skills I don’t have or things I struggle with and focus on the skills I do have and find ways to enhance them. That’s my advice to little me or even people who feel like I did now.

Everyone has strengths and don’t worry what results you get in school focus on what you have. I work with 100s of companies every year helping recruit people and there is a job out there for everyone. These ‘dinosaurs’ must think when they employee people they get them to sit tests all the time. Which is rarely the case you have to be able to communicate with people, build relationships and have the right attitude. As Simon Sinek aid “You don’t hire for skills, you hire for attitude. You can always teach skills”.

I’ve listed below people who have gone on to achieve great thing shut struggled academically. I think knowing this would’ve really helped me at school:

• Richard Branson

• Albert Einstein

• Benjamin Franklin

• Thomas Edison

• Whoopiu Goldberg

• Jamie Oliver

• James Clerk Maxwell

• Steve Jobbs

• Florence Welch

How To Write The Best CV

I’ve listed below some tips when writing a CV and also attached a template of a CV.

When I speak with candidates Ioften find they are applying for so many jobs and not reading the job description or tailoring their CV to the job. Clients can receive 100s of applicants for advertised positions and you need to stand out! Due to modern age technology people (both candidates and clients) tend not to spend a great deal of time reading CVs. It is believed the average person will spend 30 seconds looking at each CV and decide if they are interested in you

I always recommend spending 10-20 minutes altering your CV and covering letter specific for the role you are applying for. I receive 1000s of CVs a month and it’s very obvious when someone hasn’t changed their CV/covering letter and to be honest, it doesn’t make people reviewing your CV feel special. You want to make it obvious you have read the advert, pick out specific words/phrases within the advert and put them in your CV.

If you are ever unsure of anything in an advert you are always better ask. It can be a great impression if you call up the company and ask for clarity on the advert. You can emphasise how keen you are for the role and I guarantee, when they see your CV come through, they will remember you.

Do’s & Don’ts

Do’s

• Always use the same font and same size
• Include all relevant information
• Your CV should be over 1 page long
• Make sure your CV is clear
• Use positive language
• Make sure your CV is factual rather than emotive
• Spend time making sure your CV is formatted correctly
• Use a professional font and size
• Present experience in a chronological order (start with the most recent)
• Include your contact details on your CV (Not header & footer as  these sometimes don’t show on certain computers)
• Always read the job description and match the requirements to your CV

Don’t

• Include information that can paint previous/ current employers in a bad light
• Include your current salary or expectations as you may miss out on your dream job
• Put a photo of yourself on your CV (unless requested)
• Use jargon or acronyms that HR teams may not understand
• Put your reference details at the bottom of your CV
• Include your covering letter but make sure you have a profile
• Use coloured font
• Don’t have a 5 page + CV
• Lie/ fabricate the truth

Amie’s Example CV

How to be Intelligent

I am not thinking what I am writing I am just trying to get exactly what is in my head down on paper. Don’t expect this to be spelt write or be grammatically correct… I guess this is my problem I assume it won’t be correct.

I would like to point out I am in no way shape or form depressed, anxious or overly insecure. In fact I like to think of myself as a glass half full type of person… or at least when I think about other people. I genuinely believe I am a confident individual who always like to be laughing and talking to people but I am openly insecure about my ‘intelligence’ or at least what I interoperate (thank god for spell check) as intelligence.

From when I was younger you are consistently being measured by tests and exams to determine: what set you will be in, what subjects you are allowed to take, what University you are allowed to apply to, what job you are allowed to have. I just realised I keep using the word ‘allow’ as if someone must decide for me. You know what fuck them! That’s what I have believed my whole life! That people have to decide for me. So I got 4/20 on a Biology test which involved labelling the make up of a plant so now I can’t be a Doctor cause I have no idea what the pointy bit of a plant is. Why do other people decide this for us? Do you know what from being a patient I think I would make a great doctor. I am empathetic, very good at dealing with people and have a genuine desire to help people. You can drill into me the properties of plant but you can’t teach people to be good with people, be empathetic and have a genuine desire to help people. So why was this ruled out as a career for me?

I did shit at school, like proper shit. Actually I am going to rephrase that I did great at school considering the stigma and shit I was up against. I could’ve worked harder, so could everyone but I did really try and work hard! I did study, I did my homework (most of the time) yet I am made to believe I did shit at school. I have a brother who got straight A’s throughout school and in the society we live in that means he is clever (it just so happens my brother is very clever). But he went on to do a Law Degree failed first year and finished with a 2:2, does this mean all of sudden he is not clever or lost his intelligence? No! So why does a bit of paper with letters on it feel like it defines who I am to everyone and how intelligent I am? I’ve never realised that a stupid fucking bit of paper maybe has ruined me unlocking my full potential. At the end of the day school/uni exams are basically memory tests and they rely on a person being able to think of something and put it down on paper.

‘Talks too much, easily distracted’- Sound familiar? That was what all my teachers said about me every parents evening.  If that was my kid I would say fantastic they are very confident but instead it’s something to be ashamed of. Being easily distracted? That’s a bull shit scapegoat to say that your lesson is shit and doesn’t appeal to me. How about making the more reserved kids get up in front of the class and talk for an hour. When they fail at that what excuse will you use? They are too quiet, don’t talk enough. If kids were measured in this way I would be a fucking genius and the clever more reserved kids would be the ones that end up in learning support, not being able to take subjects they enjoyed and being made to feel they are not intelligent!

 

Yes I do talk too much, yes I am loud but that’s me. I never got attention from teachers for being clever or knowing all the answers so instead to get attention I used to try and be the class clown. Because I always had a laugh people think I am invincible and nothing will affect me. What my old class mates don’t realise is I spent a lot of my time at home in my room being upset because I never thought I would amount to anything. Everyone used to enjoy winding me up, slagging me and because I was always laughing/ having a laugh they thought I loved it and took it on the chin. The truth is I hate that people look at me as a joke/ feel sorry for me/ don’t want to pick me for projects cause I am shit, or at least that’s how I feel.

I’ve never known a time in my life where I haven’t felt like this, so for me this is normality. I’ve never told someone how I feel and it wasn’t until recently when I did I realised this is not normal. I feel sorry for my younger self that I have felt like this, I feel I am a lot more confident in my ability and would love to help other people who are going through a similar thing. I genuinely believed I was the only one and didn’t say anything as I just knew I wasn’t allowed to be happy. There’s that word ‘allowed’ again  I hate that I keep using this when I am talking about my own life. I should be ‘allowed ‘ to do/ try anything.

I was fortunate enough to go to a private school but can’t help but feel I’ve wasted my parents’ money, mainly due to: my exam results, uni course and career I have chosen. Do you know what is it my fault? Or is it the fault of everyone else not believing in me or assuming I am not intelligent because I didn’t get an A in Latin? You don’t just go to school to get grades you go to school to learn about life and become a decent human being. I’ve never touched a drug, I’ve never been in a fight, I’ve never ended up in hospital from being intoxicated, I’ve never cheated on a boyfriend, I’ve never been malicious to my friends yet I feel I have wasted my parents’ money? Half the dickheads at my school do all of the above but yet because they got all A’s they are deemed a success. If they were my kid I would be hugely disappointed and would feel not only have I failed them but I have wasted a large amount of money.

I remember people being frustrated with me for not doing work probably. The truth is I tried, I really did I just didn’t understand it. My brain doesn’t work the same as everyone else’s but either does yours. That’s what makes us unique. I couldn’t process what I was thinking in my brain and put it down on paper. I could talk , talk for Scotland! All my teachers said if she could talk about this subject she would get an A. Well why the fuck did you not let me? Again goes back to my point if the exam situation was different and we had to speak everything all the ‘clever’, reserved people would be in my shoes and I would be this super intelligent being. So if I can ask one thing don’t ask my exam results, don’t ask what Uni I went to, don’t ask what I studied, don’t ask what degree I got and don’t ask what I do for a living (unless genuinely interested) and I promise I won’t judge you for being lucky enough to be able to remember to label a plant properly.

I am sorry if you were reading this and looking for an honest answer on ‘How to be intelligent’. The truth is, even though I don’t know you, you are intelligent! You just need to work out your strengths and don’t let people measure on irrelevant things. Like Einstein said: “Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on it’s ability to climb a tree, it will live it’s whole life believing that it is stupid.

How to put the Sex in Dyslexic

Please take this title with a pinch of salt. I  just wanted to post something a bit more light hearted than my rant yesterday. a lot of people thought I still have those emotions and I don’t. There are times when I can go back to them but most of the time I’m really happy/ putting the sex in dyslexic. So here are my top tips for handling dyslexia:

1. ‘If you don’t laugh you’ll cry’

We’ve all been there… Standing in front of class mates/ colleagues/ family members , or for me a church congregation on the day of my little sister’s confirmation, and you say the wrong word. I was entrusted to say the phrase ‘some of us are Jews and some are Gentiles but instead said genitals’ yes at the time, being 16 it was embarrassing but you know what it’s now hilarious and a great anecdote. If you do mess up, go with it!

2. Be realistic

Don’t set yourself up to fail. I am really self critical and always beat myself up. There are certain things I really struggle with, so I don’t try and do them every day. I’ve also learnt to be realistic with myself too. So if I have to do something I know I’ll struggle with I will give my self a wee pep talk and take breaks when needed. We are actually really lucky that we know what we struggle with and can focus on our strengths

3. Don’t let it define you

Some people, me included, almost like to show off that they have dyslexia and talk about it too much. When no one really notices. When you are asked to do a task say, in my case, write a job advert the first thing I would say is ‘O I have dyslexia’. Well so what! Doesn’t mean I can’t write an advert, just means I may need help. I bet if you didn’t tell people you had Dyslexia they probably wouldn’t even notice but yet we feel we have to tell people.

When I went for job interviews I would mention I had Dyslexia. Unfortunately there is still a lot of negative stigma with dyslexia where people just think we are stupid. How many other people say ‘well Einstein and Lee from Blue were dyslexic and look how far they got!’. I realised quickly there was no need to tell interviewers that I was dyslexic, not cause I was ashamed but just because it was irrelevant.

4. Find out your strengths and use them to your advantage

One of the best things I did was ask my friends, colleagues and family to describe me. There was a common theme in their answers they all said : caring, confident, funny and talkative. Nothing about being dyslexic. So I matched this with skills I thought I had and searched for a career. 4 years later I am working somewhere I love, constantly talking with/ meeting people and helping people. I would encourage anyone to do the same, it will open your eyes.

5. Don’t be afraid to ask for help

I used to feel so stupid if I asked for help or told people I didn’t understand what they meant. You know what now a days I ask too many questions . If there is a slight chance i don’t understand something I will ask all the questions I need until I do understand it. And every single person prefers that. A lot of my work involves jargon and words I have never heard of. If I have no idea I will ask my manager straight away. I will then repeat back to him what I think he meant to make sure it is right. He prefers this as I won’t make a mistake and he has complete confidence in my ability.